I've also had time to start reading through the bible all the way through. I have tried before but I just couldn't seem to get through the animal sacrifices and all the odd names that I couldn't pronounce.
Well, I'm now in the beginning of Joshua and I've made it through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.
I have to say the Israelites are annoying (like nails on a chalkboard). God showed them some amazing miracles like parting the Red Sea and then later parting the Jordan River so they could walk through. These were just a few of the miracles. They were amazed and then they believed in Him. After a while, they started complaining again ad they actually said they would have been better off as a slave to the Egyptians! I can't imagine anything worse than being a slave. Then God gave them meat and bread from heaven, and then they believed again for a little while. Then pretty soon they were back to their old complaining ways. It was like this vicious cycle of screw-ups, worshiping idols, forgetting, repenting, and then screwing-up again. With God by their side, all they had to do was keep obeying and keep believing. Maybe it's not so simple as I think though. They had God with them doing some unbelievable things yet they still struggled to remember and believe in His promises.
Then I think of my life these past two weeks. God hasn't parted the water for me to walk on dry land, but He has worked on the heart of my husband. He isn't a very emotional man because let's face it, I have emotions to spare for the both of us. However, he broke down and starting tearing up when asking for prayer in our small group. With one income lately, he has felt the stress and burden of trying to meet my emotional needs and provide for our family. What he didn't know was that I had been asking God for the same prayer. I asked Him to help me love Micah more so that he didn't stress about our finances. It was a major breakthrough and a testimony for answered prayers. That same day I got a call about a job that I had been praying for. God was on a roll answering my prayers.
Fast forward a few weeks later on my b-day. I turned 40 years old. Then it was Valentine's Day, the anniversary of Luna Belle's passing. Then Micah took me out to eat a few times to celebrate it: with my close friends at Rosa's in Austin, with just me and the girls, and with his family at one of my favorite restaurants in Kerrville. Then I ruined it all when I had the nerve to ask him why he didn't get me a present. He had already done so much for me and I hurt his feelings by asking him that. For some reason I have this deep rooted insecurity where I need to feel validated by my husband. I started feeling sorry for myself all over again and I realized that this was the first birthday I had without my Luna and without a job. I forgot that God had already worked miracles in my life and so quickly forgot the lessons I've learned these past 5 months. I think this is one of the greatest tricks of the Devil. He causes you to forget the goodness of God and to keep reminding you of the things you should forget. Here are the lessons I've learned:
1. Don't dwell on your emotions or your feelings - they can't be trusted. The bible says the heart is deceitful and wicked.
2. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Corrie and Betsie actually gave thanks for the fleas in the concentration camps. Later they realized they had so much freedom that other prisoners didn't have because of those fleas.
3. There are no "ifs" in God's kingdom - everything happens in His perfect timing.
4. I'm an Israelite.
