a memorable Sep 11

The 10-year anniversary of Sept 11th tragedy was a memorable one for me. I watched the memorial special on NBC and it was really moving. Like everyone else, I remember exactly what I was doing that day. I was working at a publications place in Lubbock and all my co-workers that day were glued to the TV. I remember watching the people jump out of the twin towers, making that awful decision to end their life.

I have no idea what I would have done. I'd like to think I would not jump because I believe that only God makes that decision of when I die. When it's your time, it's your time. Would you rather die from smoke inhalation or would you rather jump to your death? Either decision is as equally painful.

But if I had no option or no way out, I pray that I have the courage to jump. After all, as followers of Christ, we should not fear death. Heaven is our home. And it's only there that we will be where we were intended to be.. and our joy will become complete. Everything will be perfect and we will be home.

I think of that Switchfoot song that says, "I've been searching for a place of my own, and now I know that this is home."

I’ve got my memories

Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was

I believe now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I’ve never known

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home

I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

the engagement!



Me and Micah at the Balloon Festival in New Mexico


On July 5th, my Micah Shuler asked me to marry him! And of course I said yes! For all interested parties, here is The Proposal. :)

We have been dating for over a year, April 1st was our first date. However, we had decided to become exclusive around July 2nd. I had a slight suspicion that he might propose over the fourth of July weekend, only because he told me he was going to take me somewhere special for our anniversary.

We had plans to spend most of the weekend with his family at his lake house at Lake LBJ. After a fun weekend of boating, tubing, and also doing some family projects..the weekend was coming to a close. All I knew is that we were going to Austin Monday morning and had to be at the place by 6:00 AM.

Going back to Sunday night, the night before we were going to be in Austin.. We were outside with his family, hanging out and chatting and eating watermelon. Out of the blue, Micah's dad asked this random question, "Hey Micah, where is that balloon taking off?! My eyes almost popped out of my head because at that point I knew what my surprise was - a hot air balloon ride! It had to be that since Micah knew that I have always wanted to ride a hot air balloon!

I was a little upset because Micah's dad ruined the surpise, even though he knew it was a secret. I later found out that he had told his parents where he was taking me only 2 days prior to that day. I guess he should have kept it a secret, at least from his dad! haha!

On the way to the balloon ride, Micah gets a phone call from the balloon pilot. He said, "I've got some bad news: a crew member is sick and we cannot go on the balloon. :( 

I told Micah, "Call him back and tell him that is unacceptable!! You had something special planned for your girlfriend and he ruined it!! I'm sure that crewmember partied too much from the fourth of July weekend!!! (at this point I decided that he probably was not going to propose..a balloon ride would have been the way to go and now that is not happening)

Well, we decided that we would just go to breakfast and take our time since we wouldn't be going on the balloon ride. Since I love the Kirby Lane Cafe so much we decided to go there for breakfast before we headed back to San Antonio.

We got seated in an area of the restaurant by ourselves. Since it was the day after the 4th, there wasn't many people in the restaurant. Before I knew it, Micah reached out an grabbed my hand. I thought he was just going to hold my hand, and before I knew it...he slipped a ring on my finger. He said, "I'm so sorry that nothing I planned worked out. I just can't wait any longer though. You know how much I'm in love with you. Will you marry me?"

I sat there looking at him in awe and amazement. I couldn't believe it was happening!! I had also never seen anything like my ring. It was more gorgeous and more wonderful than anything I had ever imagined! 

Then I hear him saying, "Well???!" And then I said, "yes, of course I will marry you!"

And so now I'm engaged and I couldn't be happier with the man God had picked out especially for me. He has the most amazing smile that can illuminate even the darkest places. He puts my needs first. He shares the same faith. And most importantly, he loves me for me!

When I was younger I imagined the man I would marry. I used to think he was going to be really funny and keep me in stiches all the time. I used to say that was one of the most important qualities (behind having the same faith being the most important).

Although Micah isn't a hilarious guy, we have so much fun together and can make each other laugh!!

But every time I've planned out or imagined something that I think I want or would be happy with, God shows me something completely different. In most cases I am way off! It's like the time I thought I wanted a boy dog and God gave me Luna Belle. Or the times I thought I was in love before, and God told me he had something better for me.

I believe that we don't really ever know what we want or know what would make us really happy. And sometimes we don't even know until we see it or God shows it to us. Often times we think we know, but then something happens and makes us question it.. After several experiences (most of the time they are heartbreaking) we think we have a better idea of what we want. But ultimately, God knows what makes us truly happy. And if we wait on God's best, how sweet it is!!!

I

Does God want us to be happy?

My best friend came to visit me this weekend. She said something so profound that I just had to share it on here. We had a lot of fun conversations and reminisced about the past. We also laughed a lot and discussed some serious things. We talked about disappointment and regret and dealing with these hard topics. I told her blatantly, "I think God wants us to be happy." And as soon as I said that she said very definitively, "God doesn't want us to be happy." At first that bothered me a little and then I realized how much truth there was in that statement. Does God want us to be happy?

I think the answer to that question is yes and no. I think when we are at our happiest and things around us are going well.. we do not cling to Him. We do not pray as much and we certainly do not ask Him for advice and counsel. And for that reason, we soon start to forget Him. God doesn't promise us that everything is going to be good, but that He will work all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

He allows painful things to happen so that we will rely on Him and be content in HIM, trusting Him that He has a plan. And that is not easy. And when we are trusting Him, we often are doing it in angst. It's so hard to trust in a plan you can't see and see a way out of a situation that has been so hopeless for so long.

But we must.. This is what following Christ is all about. We must continue to Love, even when there is nothing left in us. For that is what it's all about. It's about a relationship and about casting all your cares on Him.. for He cares for you.

So I must strive to be content in all things and in all circumstances.. and to stand firm in the faith. It's not about being happy, it's about having faith beyond all measure.

I love this quote below. I want to say it over and over again and memorize it. It helps me believe in myself and in who God says I am.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Almost a Month

It's been almost a month since I returned from Israel and I'm struggling to hold on to it still. The way I felt in the desert.The arid climate was so vibrant and full of life. It's amazing how lush and green certain areas of the desert are. I can still hear our guide Ruben talk to us about wildlife and vegetation in the desert and how it adapts and survives.

He plucked a stem from a plant that was completely closed up. He asked me to put it in my mouth and suck on it. In a few minutes, the plant had opened up again. He said, "How interesting and fascinating that nature knows what to do and knows how to adapt to its environment. It's only humans who struggle with that." To me that was was so poignant and so true. Why do we have such a hard time adapting to our surroundings? It's almost like the more advanced we become technologically, the harder it is for us to adapt. It makes me long for the simple life when we didn't have a piece of metal glued to our ear 24/7; when we actually made better plans with our friends and family, instead of texting; when we didn't rely on a 2-ton machine to get us from place to place and we actually USED OUR GOD-GIVEN LEGS!

I guess that's why it's important for us to "get away" from it all and take vacations and get out in nature. We need to re-connect in nature with the ultimate creator. I wonder about the expression "getting plugged in" and how it's used so much in churches. Technology has unfused every facet of our lives and vernacular that we are lost without it. I desire that time to re-connect with God and get plugged into his mercy and love and compassion and peace.. so much so that it makes me want to chunk my cell phone for good.



On the Sea of Galillee




Mount Carmel




Ancient City-BeitShein




Cesarea by the Sea - Herod's Palace




Church of the Nativity - Bethleham




Cesarea by the Sea




Church of the Nativity - Jesus' birthplace




David's Harp - entrance to the city of Jerusalem




This guy translated the bible to Latin




The Garden of Gethsemane - Gethesemane means Olive Press in Hebrew




old theatre in Cesarea by the Sea




Jerusalem




skyline of Tel Aviv




Garden of Gethsemane




Walking to the Garden of Gethsemane



cool shot in Jerusalem




Orthodox Jews at the Wailing Wall




another shot of Othodox Jews




Garden Tomb




Wailing Wall




Wailing Wal




me in the Judean Desert




I did a cheer for the desert!




vegetation in the desert




dead sea in the background




This is my desert.




This is the dead sea - it stung my legs "big time!"




my dad and I floating the sea - that is us way in the back - forgot to Zoom :(




My Desert again



getting the bird

It happened today, it certainly wasn't the first and I know it won't be the last.. Today on my way to Taco Cabana to get a Cabana bowl, I got the big birdie. I was driving in the left hand lane minding my own business. I noticed a car beside me and a car behind me. I was going a little faster than the car next to me so I pass him and then I approach the traffic light as it turns red and stop. The lady behind me is in the right lane now and she stops a little in front of me in the right lane. The next thing I know I hear a loud honking from her and she sticks her hand out the window and sticks her ugly finger out the window and leaves it there for what seems like an eternity - the vile and repulsive thing it was. I turned to look to my left and right to see if there was someone else she was flipping off, but there was no other cars around. So I'm left thinking what the heck did I do? So, I honk back at her. I know I shouldn't have done that.. but I was still confused at what I possibly could have done. So she again decides she was going to flip me off again because apparently I didn't see it enough the first time!! She turns right and I continue on my way.. I left the intersection feeling angry, confused, and then it culiminated in sadness and pity. Even when someone cuts me off and does something worthy of "the bird" I still don't give the bird. I just mutter something to myself like, "you jerk" or "thank you so much for that" as I try to keep my cool.

I just felt sorry for her because it's just so sad to live life with such a hatred and such anger. Why do we feel we have to be this way to each other? Did that possibly make her feel better?? I wish I could have followed her and see how the rest of her day went.. I wonder if the bad Karma reared its ugly hand at her and then slapped her in the face.. and caused her stuff that ugly finger back in her mouth. Unfortunately, I'll never know.. But now I reflect at that beastly gesture and just say, "Wow, I thought I had road rage!"

This is actually a good lesson for me.. When I start to feel that road rage coming on when a driver makes a dumb mistake, I just need to laugh it off and remember how it made me feel when someone did that to me.. and how by doing it I became someone I did not like much at all.

Here is a song that makes me smile.

left my heart in Israel

So I'm back from Israel - what an experience!! Although I'm back in body, I don't think I'm quite all there in my spirit. I think I left a piece of my heart there. It's an amazing experience to go and walk where Jesus walked and to see the country where it all began. As I reflect on all that I saw, I feel joy beyond measure but also a tiny bit of sadness as well. Israel is a fascinating country and yes it is true that once you go there, the scriptures become alive. But I am afraid now that I am back that it will start to slip away sooner than I want it to - the memories, the feeling, the emotions, the beauty. I am afraid to forget this feeling as I experienced a peace like no other. As I go back to my life here in the states, I find myself disappointed and sad. I know God has not left me and He is still just a whisper away, but somehow He seemed more real in Israel. Everything here seems so meaningless and insignificant...It's like once you have been so high, it's hard to come back down from the mountain.
One thing that was really special to me was the Jerusalem Cross. It looks like this.

When we were in Bethleham at the church of the nativity, the guide told us about this cross and how it represents the five wounds on Jesus' body. Up until that point on the trip, I had not really felt God was speaking to me much at all. I was listening, but I was not getting a message from Him. When I heard the meaning of this cross, I was moved and felt like I was touched by the holy spirit. Later on we went to shop at this place that sold jewelry and souveniers from Bethleham. I found a pretty ring with the cross of jerusalem and I had to have it. It was a very unique ring and the cross was encased in a thin glass and the setting was raised as one you would see in a diamond/wedding ring. I was showing off the ring because I loved it so much and one of the employees of the store said, "Hey, that is a nice ring, it looks almost like a compass." I said, "Wow, you are right. Too bad it's not a real compass because I am always getting lost." After the conversation was over I contemplated the beautiful metaphor of the jerusalem cross. God was using this man in the store to show me how He was like a compass for my life, and when I got lost and forgot who I was.. which I often do, all I needed to do was look at the cross and I would find my way once again. This is true of the Christian life. I often get caught up in things of this life and I am disgusted at myself for letting it get me down time and time again. I know it's only human, but we as Christians are called to be set apart in this world. Often times I am saddened that we do not do a good job at being set apart and instead are the ones who are condeming and using Jesus' name to do this. Just like Pastor Mark said that the Christians can't get along with each other and for that reason we do not have the keys to the church of the nativity. One of the most sacred place for Christians! This is indeed a tragedy. I pray that Christians would wake up and realize that the more they try to convince others that they are right, the further away from the gospel and from the Lord that person gets. Love does not work that way. I pray that I will never forget what I learned in Israel, although I know that it is a possibility I may momentarily forget. It's a good thing I have my compass to guide me.

Here are some pictures of my amazing experience in Israel.



the Catholic church on Mount Beatitudes



Me and my dad at Mount Beatitudes

Me at Cesearea Phillipi - it was here were Jesus said to Peter, "Upon this rock I will build my church."



Another shot of Mount Beatitudes

The Kabutz where we stayed on the sea of Galillee



Ancient city

at the Jordan River where my dad and I rededicated our lives to Christ

On Mount Carmel where Isaiah defeated the prophets of Baal.



It poured on us on the boat ride on the Sea of Galillee - even though we were soaked and freezing, we were moved at God's presence here.



Ginger

My parents adopted a dog from a shelter and I couldn't be more proud of them!!!! Her name is Ginger and she is a 2-year old Yorkie and Schnuazer mix. What do you call that?? A Yauzer!! Every time someone adopts from that shelter (which is a no kill shelter) they save another dog from a local "kill" shelter. So in essence, my parents saved 2 lives that day!! 
When I was looking up various websites in Corpus to help them find a dog, I ran accross one that said, "When you buy a dog from a breeder, you sentence another dog to death." I thought to myself, "How negative and extreme. Like that is really going to make someone want to adopt a dog - NOT! I have rewritten this sentence for their website and it reads as follows "Every time you adopt a dog here at our shelter, you save two lives!" Isn't that what we need more of in today's society? If you start observing, you will see this kind of jargon everywhere. What if we just stopped to spin it in a more positive way? Wouldn't that make more of a difference? It's the same reason why you can't tell someone who is not a Christian that they are going to hell, in the hopes that they will convert. It just doesn't work. Extremism never works because it comes with a hidden agenda. You can't scare someone to convert, you have to love them to convert! What is that bible verse?? Oh yes, "There is no fear in love because perfect love drives out all fear."

Anyway, I digress... The only thing I'm going to be EXTREME about is love, agape Love.

And the moment you have all been waiting for; here is a picture of Ginger!