Baby girl #2

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've blogged. I try to blog more often, but life gets in the way and I don't make time for it. 

To give a quick update: Micah and I are expecting girl #2 set to arrive this Friday! We are very excited about it and are on the final countdown! So many changes in the past several months. I changed jobs, Micah changed jobs within the government, and we have moved into the new piece of the house. We are still battling getting financing for it as the banks want to finance a standard, cookie cutter home and nothing unusual. All that gives me solace in this are the verses from James Chapter 1. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." 

God wants to test me. He loves me enough to test me. Perhaps without these tests of faith, we cannot grow nor can we actually experience the fullness of His love. As we appreciate the things that we have worked the hardest for in life.. so we should appreciate the trials. The trials are what define us. They separate the believer from the unbeliever. They define our faith, for without them it is impossible to know what faith actually is.. And faith is the assurance of things unseen. 

Baby #2

Me 8-months preggo! 

Cambelle's 2nd b-day party

Weeding out the Stickers

Lately, I've been obsessed with pulling sticker weeds out of my yard. I've been picking them up by the roots and we even treated for them. As you may now, they are native to Texas so these evil dudes come up despite our best efforts. :( Well, I thought I had been staying on top of them and pulling as I see them, but yesterday afternoon I saw a huge section of them that seemed to come out of nowhere. I was devastated. Micah asked me why I was so upset and all of my efforts were useless. I was about to give up when I realized the deeper meaning behind it. The stickers represent the bad things in our life that we must continually get rid of in order to make room for the good and beautiful things that spring up. And it's hard to keep going when we the easiest thing would be to give up and let the stickers keep growing. You let it slide and pretty soon your whole lawn is covered with them. But if we continue to work hard and rid our lives of all the weeds and crap that gets in it, how much more beautiful is the flower? So all of the hard work will be worth it in the end.

On a lighter note, I captured this photo of my daughter Cambelle this weekend in Marble Falls. It perfectly shows her personality. I'm amazed at how perfect and wonderful she is and that she is mine. God is so good.

too much time has passed - Baby arrival!

There have been so many things happening around Shulerville lately. My baby was due Mar 13, but she arrived Mar 6 due to her being a breech baby. My doctor suggested a c-section and I agreed because whatever gets her out safely is the number 1 goal! We had a very positive experience at the hospital and with the surgery. I was expecting a lot worse than what it actually was because of all the horror stories I heard. It really was no big deal. My scar is tiny and I have a beautiful baby to show for it! :) I had a feeling she might be different and doing her own thing in the womb if she was anything like me. Research says that most breech babies turn on their own (96%), but not mine. She was stubborn and difficult already!! LOL. A funny story that happened on the day of her birth. We were 5 min late because a tortilla truck turned over on 1604 freeway and caused a major traffic jam. True story!! Only in San Antonio!!! She arrived at 9:56 AM and weighed 7lbs, 11oz, and 20.5 inches. We named her Cambelle Allyn Shuler. We are so in love!!!

Life is what you make it.... Or is it?

Lately things have been a little stressful around here. I still don't have a job and I STILL live out in the country in the Shuler compound. I've been focusing so much on applying for jobs and trying to get interviews that it has consumed me. I've also been focusing on this human being growing inside me and I wonder what it's going to be like when she is born. Will I be a good mom? Will we be able to provide her a room of her own one day? Will I be able to handle my world being completely being turned upside down? Will my house ever be finished? Will I ever be happy out here in the country? So many questions.. yet so few answers.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing sight of this person I know myself to be. My world has already been turned upside down living here in the country. I NEVER in a million years dreamed I would be living out here with the scorpions and critters and 14 miles to the nearest grocery store. Everything is the opposite of what I wanted or envisioned for myself. I chose this man I love (or rather God chose him for me) and he came with a tractor, land, a family only .2 miles away from us. And I'm still figuring out how to be married and to fit in and deal with a life I never got to choose for myself. I know I could have chosen not to marry him, but I couldn't see my life without him. So really I had no choice.

I've been stressing about having no choice but to live out here with all of his family and never-ending projects they have and it has made me a little bitter. And my bitterness has turned to rage and my rage has turned to tears. And I struggle with this non-choice and with my life the way it has turned out. One time driving back into town from being gone for a weekend, I actually cried my eyes out when I saw the green sign reminding me I'm back in this town. I yelled out to God, "Is this REALLY MY LIFE?!"

People say that life is what you make of it. Sometimes I think life is NOT what you make of it. Life happens. Life is.....I know you have to make your choices, but what about the choices that make you or you never got to make? What about the choices you have tried to make and then realized God has made them for you??

What if we always spend so much time trying to make life happen and we miss out on the pain and the beauty and the lessons we learn along the way? I've been so focused on my sadness, loneliness, bitterness, and finding a job, that I can't see anything else. I'm so focused on my future that I can't look at the present and realize that every day is a gift.

But I do look forward to the day where I can look back at all this and say, "Remember when I was so miserable that I almost missed out on that really awesome thing that happened?!"

House Update and Big News

It's been forever since I've posted anything on here. I'm not sure anyone is out there and listening to what is going on the Shuler house. BUT, it's fun to post on here nevertheless. :) I've been finding myself with quite a bit of free time lately. I lost my job a few weeks ago. My company cut the marketing department (which was just me.). I had a feeling that something was going on and they were struggling financially, but I just thought I would have more time to find something else. It came as quite a bit of a shock to me. But all things happen for a reason and I have faith that there is an even better job out there for me. 

We haven't worked much on the house lately. The only thing we have done recently is varnish the cabinets for a second time.  Oh, and we also got more doors made and had our blacksplash installed. It turned out really well! Here are a few pics.

The Big News is that we are expecting! Our baby is due March 13th and we couldn't be happier! We are scared and excited at the same time. Luna is excited to have a big brother or sister. We find out the sex of the baby Oct. 14th. We are counting down the days! 

 

feeling blue

 

Lately there have been a lot of things happen that have led to the current subject line. Life in the country is hard sometimes really, really hard. I don't think it all started with finding scorpions, but it definitely didn't help.

It's an accumulation of seeing many sad things and seeing death in nature. And I think my hormones have something to do with it..ha!

Nature is so beautiful, but it's also beautifully cruel. One must die so another can live. The scorpions kill the spiders, the spiders kill the insects.. The yellow jackets who have built several nests on our house lately eat the spiders and insects too, I think.. They also drink the nectar of flowers.. But where is the beauty in what I just described?

Speaking of nectar and beauty, I have to mention the hummingbird. The hummingbirds are so beautiful and lately I've been obsessed with them. We have had 3 die at our house since we have been feeding them. They are so delicate and so beautiful. I have moved my feeders three times because I've seen 2 fly into the big, glass windows at my house and die. I've also witnessed the near death experience of one who was stunned and then after 20 minutes of regaining composure, he flew away and I breathed a big heavy sigh of relief.

The other one I found just today and his head was missing.. I think the weapon that killed him was not our window, but instead big claws and paws of a feline species. Maybe I won't get an outdoor cat after all..

Last week I found a dead fawn in a 4-foot hole that was dug to put in a fence post that was never put in. I just cried and cried and cried and cried.. A deep sadness set in my bones and I just couldn't shake the gloominess. My empathy had crossed the line of maybe the point of no return because I just could not stop the tears.. and it poured over into many areas of my life. I wasn't happy with my secluded life in the country.

I felt like that deer, trapped and stuck and couldn't find my way out.  Then the guilt game started and I wondered why I couldn't have found it sooner and I might have saved it from it's ruthless demise. But I was too late and I was too late.. Where was the redemption? Where was the beauty in that?

Then I thought about the dead hummingbird. I was/am desperately trying to find my happiness here in the country, and then as soon as I saw a blaze of vivid beauty and hope burning bright, it fluttered, flickered and died.

Where is the peace when the mind is filled with dreary things?

Tradegy of letting sleeping dogs lie

It’s justified to feel.. feeling so freely

Every image, word, and thought pricks so deeply.

Careless, cutting thoughts and words takes a toll.

Eyes wide open and stinging…

it’s so painful to live this way

Moved by everything…

Shaken by everything

The tragedy of letting sleeping dogs lie..

You aren’t one to let things by

Up until the final breath

You will fight hard and long for its plight

Because you must..

You must fight for all the unjust

And it’s okay to live this way

Moved by everything

Shaken by everything

I’ve been in your shoes

Loved with those bones..

Believed with those unbelieving eyes

Took some deep, heavy sighs…

Obsessing with life, tragedy and beauty..

Don’t be ashamed..

Make no excuses, no regrets

It’s big and bold and strong, giving life to those beautiful bones

Hope springs forth from the silence it brings

Perched gently on the tips of butterfly wings.