The worst and best day ever

September 18, 2012, will go down in history as the most painful day of my life, ever! I don't mean emotional pain, I mean physical pain.

My coworkers sent me this edible arrangement! Aren't they sweet?!!!

It all started two weeks ago when I got a little cramp in my left side of my abdomen. I took an aleve and took a small nap. The pain was gone. Then I woke up the day before labor day in the middle of the night with the pain again, but worse. It lasted all throughout the night, and then I had Micah take me to the doctor first thing in the morning when the office opened.

It turns out that I had a huge cyst (softball size) in my ovary, or somewhere in that general area although they didn't know where exactly it was.At that point the pain subsided. They scheduled for me to come in and look at it one more time and then they would decide if they needed to do surgery to remove. Sometimes these cysts go away on their own.

Sometimes they do, but not mine! So the decision was made to go into surgery on Friday (a week from that day).

I didn't make it to Friday. Tuesday morning at 4 a.m. I was woken by that too familiar pain in my left side again, this time there was no relief. Micah took me to the doctor and they decided to take it out that day because I was in so much pain. I have never, ever felt anything like that. It felt like someone was burning me on the inside while taking a knife and digging it into me and twisting it around to hurt even more.

I think I told Micah to please find a gun and put me out of my misery a few times!! I know I'm dramatic but this pain was unbearable and for moments I thought I was dying.

At 5:00 that afternoon, I was finally able to have my surgery. PTL! (Praise the Lord!) It turns out that the cyst was twisted around my fallopian tube thus causing the huge amount of pain that it did. It also started to bleed.

I later found out that the doctor had to remove my tube because the cyst cut off the blood supply to it, leaving it lifeless and non-functioning. The good news was that if I had to lose anything, this was the best thing to lose. I was almost certain I would lose an ovary, but they were both in great shape. And the better news is that I can still have children with only one tube. That one tube will take over and serve both ovaries.

I think it's amazing that I can still have children and that God so fabulously designed my body to be able to do this. I look back at all of this and I realize just how special I am. Maybe God was removing that tube knowing that I would have problems with that in the future or something more serious would come happen as a result of that bad tube.

And he knows the big picture, despite that I may forget this time and time again. I don't understand why at 32 I have already had 2 major female surgeries. It's easy to think, "why me, Lord?" Why can't I just be normal?!!! Those were my cries 2 weeks ago.

Now I'm just grateful that I can still have children and that God created me unique and special, just the way I'd rather be!!

Relationships are complicated

 

The human relationship has to be THE MOST complicated thing on earth. I know God designed us to be together and have relationships with each other, but sometimes I stop and wonder why it has to be so difficult. 

I know that the portion of our brain that controls emotions is not the same part of the brain that controls speech. Alas this is why we cannot explain our emotions very well. 

But I want to explain them because it does give me comfort to understand why it works the way it does.. but so many things like beauty, truth and the complexity of relationships are inexplicable. 

I had a very difficult phone discussion last night. Without getting into details too much, I felt confused, sad, upset, hurt, and even slightly angry after the conversation ended. 

I was trying to explain a miscommunication I had with this person and we each defended our actions and words that were misunderstood. A very simple miscommunication that turned into a very complex one. And the more we talked, the more complicated it became. 

I cannot control the way this person feels or reacts when I say something, but I can control what I say. However, this is a very uncomfortable feeling.. carefully selecting my words as I would the perfect ingredients to a sweet, delicious pie. How can I make this sound sweeter and easier to swallow?

I'm not intending to sugar coat anything, but I am carefully and delicately choosing my words to their sensitive ears. 

But all of this consideration leaves me exhausted and not wanting to communicate at all with this person at times. After so many misunderstandings, is there a point where you just resign? 

As a sensitive person I can speak to this..And I strive to consider the feelings of others to the point where it hurts only myself. 

Why can't we be real with each other even if it hurts? 

House Update

I've been away for a couple weeks, but I wanted to hop on and share with you the most recent pictures of our house. It's looking more and more like a house each day! I'm getting more and more excited with each passing day.. although there is still much to do.

I really think I'm going to like it here. I can't wait to get out of the traffic and into a slower pace of life..

Finally a shot without all the scaffolds!

Back corner of the house. 

It's getting there!

A different angle to the backside.

Micah and his brother bought this dump truck! Can you believe that Emily Robinson of the Dixie Chicks owned this?!